Feeling Grateful Each Day is (Not) Easy

I’m truly grateful that God always put guardian angel(s) around to take care of me. This is the last month of the year, and I’m currently struggling with job resignation, waiting period, idle status, and writer’s block. #December is a period when I question & evaluate everything, mainly because my birthday falls in that month.

Such things I don’t usually share to people, because I think there’s no point of whining and I should be better finding solutions by myself. My mentor is one of the few wiser people I go to, but as we grow older together I don’t want to be so spoiled and attached to her (I still do, a bit.. lol), so I started asking and sharing less. I feel that one day I would want to be there more for her when she needs it. We could even picture ourselves playing the same ol’ board games 10-20 years from now. Lol.

But in my most difficult times (and only few would know) she’d keep on letting me to be a part of something, in her life… if not in the whole group or community. You can’t be depressed when you felt loved, and you can’t be depressed when you know there are so many other people who look up to you and wish to be in your position (no matter how small you feel you are). I am a product of self-loathe and insecurities, and I am a constant work in progress (even now I gain weight because I felt un-energetic about life in general).

We had a big delicious meal today and she packed some big loafs of pork hams for me to take home. It’s too much. She even asked if I want to spend Christmas together with her family this year, and I know it’s not just a light offer. It feels overwhelming sometimes, but I think she sees something in me that I don’t see myself. And that’s why I thank God for placing guardian angels like her near me (yes, it’s not just her, but many). #December #countingblessing #friendship

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